Do you dare wear short shorts...?

Ah yes, Nair commercials from 1987. Lavish large amounts of pepto-bismal pink, toxic smelling, possibly neurotoxic /teratogenic exfoliant on legs and wear slutty looking daisy dukes with pride! Complete with cheesy marketing gimmick!

Any way, lucky for you, I am not going to show you a picture of my pallid looking, winter chapped legs. (And if I ever owned a pair of daisy dukes in my entire lifetime, it would be the parallel universe lifetime, where I was, um, Skinny Marie in a deleted scene from Pretty Woman.)

I am, however, going to astound and amaze you with another kind of daring feat of femininity-turned-feminist: I cut off all my hair!!

Actually, I lie. My mother cut my hair, and I still have some of it left. Sadly, I'm not rich or famous enough to do something really eccentric without getting suspended from my job, like go the Demi Moore/Sinead O'Connor/Natalie Portman route and shave my entire head bald. (On that note: Why on earth would someone as pretty as Natalie Portman shave her head bald? I'm not one of the star-struck people who think everybody under the sun is gorgeous just because the media tells us so--I'm sorry, but Paris Hilton's nose reminds me of a pterodacytl's jaw/beak--but I think there are some genuinely beautiful famous people in this world, and Natalie Portman is one of them. )

And also, as a sidebar: if I ever come back in a time capsule as a stunningly beautiful person please, God, let me come back as Audrey Hepburn. And let me star in Charade because that is my all-time favorite movie , at least from the year 1963. The remake The Truth About Charlie sucked, and I didn't even watch it. I mean, hello: Mark Wahlberg?! Thandie Newton?! What were they thinking?! Did the casting folks put random names into a hat, close their eyes, and draw out bits of paper?! How about casting Triumph, the Comic Insult Dog while we're at it?! Jerks.)

Yes, this is the best I can do with the do-it-yourself-digital-camera picture. It looks like a really good DMV/mug shot. And what's with the glowing aura around my shoulders? I also look like I've just swallowed curdled milk and abruptly forced to smile a second later, but whatever. A photogenic person I am not.

Hey... maybe now that I've lopped off all my hair, people will stop with that godawful annoying "you-look-like-Sandra-Oh" line...