Party like it's 1999. Or even 1985.

I'm not sure when home VCR's debuted, but let me just say that it's probably been a couple decades, and as old school as watching anything on VHS may be, I have to admit I still have one (built into a television I bought off a med student for dirt cheap in 2003).

I also have to admit, I have no idea how to program the damn thing to tape shows (I actually have a blank VHS tape, a statement that no doubt buys me an automatic induction to the Hall of Fossils From the Neolithic Age. So sue me. )

As an aside, I'm sure I'll end up one of those dottering old ladies that small children on their way to the launch pad for Moon School point and make fun of. I plan to sit on the porch in my rocking chair and ramble on about "The good old days when books used to have real paper pages." And I'll refuse to buy a hovercraft and still drive an old automobile. With wheels. I'll insist on using my microwavel, even though it's been proven to cause brain cancer and nobody uses them anymore, because they've found a way to make cooked meals appear out of nowhere like the replicators on Star Trek: The Next Generation. And I'll probably have an old cd player, phone and flat-screen t.v., and when the grandkids come over, they'll groan and say, "Why do you still have those old things, they don't even make any of that stuff anymore, Gramma. We have implantable chips in our brain for all that stuff nowadays. Jeez."

And when I'm really old and wacko and locked up in some nursing home somewhere, rocking back and forth on my own without aid of a rocking chair, I'm sure I'll be put on lots of third or fourth generation antipsychotics for insisting on listening to LPs with the grammophone (quit laughing--I had a turntable as a kid. It was a blue Superman record player. Which I got for being sick and hospitalized. It was one of my prized possessions, so quit laughing, seriously .I can still hear you. Quit laughing, I say!)

Yeah. Antipsychotics. For the memory disassociation. And the auditory hallucinations...