Blame It On The Rain

I do not like thee Dr. Fell.
The reason why, I cannot tell.
But this I know, and know quite well:
I do not like thee Dr. Fell

I do not feel well today. Nor yesterday. Working 28 hours in two days sapped every last bit of health I had left, I think. The sad thing is, they weren't even bad shifts (floating to another unit and bleeding out PICC/Vaxcell sites at change of shift don't even make it any where near the shit list these days). They were just typically endless, scut-work filled shifts, with me running around dehydrated and without food for 14 hours, and having techs who have only been there 1.5 hours of their cushy four hour shifts complaining about "needing help" when I've been there 12 hours already and can barely sit down for five minutes to do some charting. And then have to stay an hour and a half past change of shift to help the oncoming nurse with change-of-shift patient issues.

I've spent the last two days recovering: sleeping almost non-stop, feeling like complete crap when I do wake up. At one point I begged my husband to come home from work and feed me chicken soup, because the thought of ambulating my pre-syncopal 90 lb ass all fifty feet to the kitchen just sounded like way too much effort--I've felt dizzy for the last three days, ambulating and talking to people for five minutes makes me feel lightheaded. I think I'm on the edge of some severe fatigue/generalized weakness diagnoses. I tried to take my own BP and got a reading of 90/50, so add hypotension secondary to the dehydration to the list of bogus telemetry floor admission dx's.

Hey! I could probably get a bogus admission for "generalized weakness and hypotension!" I could be a really bogus telemetry admission for the hypotension, and they'd have to put me on telemetry and watch my non-ectopic, normal sinus rhythm and chart it q shift, listen to my absolutely clear lungs and document my positive pedal pulses, no edema. They'd even have to do a bogus "integumentary" care plan r/t my BLE bruising. Maybe they'd replete my 'lytes and put me on po iron for a slightly crappy 'crit. I'd probably get a nutrition consult for a BMI of 17.4, though. I think I'd also demand a social work/continuing care consult and see if I can get a health aide to come and feed me, and help me around the house, because I don't seem to be able to do those things for myself these days. I feel about ninety-five-years old.

I actually thought about just skipping the whole admission part and simply drive into work, get one of the nurses to put in an IV, hook myself up to a liter of normal saline and run it in wide open, and go back home. I wonder what my blood sugar was. Probably like 50. Hey, maybe I'll just run in some D5NS instead, or just give myself an amp of D50. Also, I'd take some Tylenol for the headache, Maalox for my tummy pain and some Lomotil for the diarrhea. I could just sit in the med room while I fluid bolused myself, or they could stick me back in angioplasty since it's closed today. I'm sure I'd have to replete my potassium, so I'd pop 40 mEq KCl po before I left. Then I could come into work Tuesday and not syncope into someone's GI bleed, or something.

As it is, I'm going to have to go to the doctor tomorrow. I hate going to my doctor, because he's gonna really think I'm hypochondriac yuppie scum; even I know I sound like a ridiculous whiner, but it's not normal to feel this way after two days of work, is it?!